I came into my office tonight after I got home from teaching and looked to my left to see a mostly empty closet. Now just a few gift wrap bags sit atop the shelf and a handful of business books (full of cat hair of course) lie on the floor. Earlier today this closet was filled with more than I could believe: an entire Guitar Hero band, old credit cards, a cordless phone that hasn't been used since 2003, disposable waterproof cameras from Mike's and my wedding two years ago, a tripod for a Flip video camera that was never opened, 6 reusable Lululemon bags that were never "reused," etc. etc. etc. This closet had become my junk drawer, and over the last couple years, I had let it fill up and up.
It's no wonder that during my first week of "freedom," or being only part-time employed, I decided that this closet was one of my priorities. I would not spend the day cold calling private country clubs and sending out my yoga teacher resume, but I would clean out this closet. The truth is that this closet has been calling to me for two years. Like leftover foreign cheeses from a dinner party that speak to me every time I open the refrigerator: "Get some bread, get some wine. Eat me now!" This closet was calling to me, "clean me now," but I kept ignoring the calls.
Why do we do that? Why do we put off things that we know will be so healthy and freeing for us? I have known for so long that going through the garbage in my closet, tossing it, organizing, and clearing space would be liberating in itself. Get rid of the old to make room for the new. But I never in two years committed myself to taking the time to clean that closet out. Now that I am making a huge transition in my life and in my career, I somehow feel I need to "create this space" before moving forward. And I am not alone. An artist friend I met for happy hour recently told me that she had to do a similar cleaning and organizing of her house before she began her new project.
Seeing that clear, open space; seeing the organization, puts my mind at ease. For so long in my life I have gathered and kept and held on and taken. Not saving room and space, but filling it with objects to show my power or wealth, perhaps, and how much I "had." But do I really need old credit cards from Pier One and Ann Taylor? Do I really need instruction manuals for digital cameras I don't even use anymore? No. It's almost as if I felt like the more "stuff" I had, the better I was.
But yoga teaches us to think differently: Less is more. Space allows you to be present with what is instead of gripping to the past or some false idea of the future. Clutter creates chaos whereas cleanliness and space create a free, open mind. And besides, the best moments of my life were created by the time I spent with other people, not the purchases I made at Ann Taylor or by the amount of "things" I owned.
The cleaning and clearing has been freeing. It's like I am symbolically "letting go" of the past so I can "let in" the future. And for me, that's a great place to be at right now!
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