Have Faith, Then Let Your True Self Come Out And Play

Faith. Grace. Trust. Intuition.

So many names for much the same thing.

I had to trust, find faith, and follow my intuition to get where I am today. It was not easy and is not easy, but I am here. I truly believe that things will work out OK. But my husband is a different story. Each night it is the same worried look, the same deep conversation. "How will we pay our bills? What did you do today? What's your game plan for tomorrow?," he asks.

I understand his concern. Mine would be there if our roles were reversed. But it is not easy to deal with. Faith, and believing that everything will work out since I AM following my heart has gotten me to where I am. It has lead me to make a decision that is bold, that is risky, that is uncertain, where I could fail, but a decision that I believe in 100 percent.

How do you share your own faith with someone else? This quiet calmness in my heart, this quiet path that God or the universe has chosen for me, how do I offer my husband the same reassuring ease? The more intuitive choices I make, steps I choose, paths I follow, the easier it is to be intuitive. For so much of my life I have over analyzed EVERYTHING, from the email I sent to my co-workers to the gift I bought my step-mother to the status updates I put on Facebook to the words I say in my yoga classes. But when I become present, when I let go of the noises and conversations in my head, "she will never like you; you are not good enough; no one can live their dream," etc. etc. etc. I really do feel peace. I feel guided. It's like I know that my next step will unfold for me.

It's hard to defend myself. And I knew this whole process would not be easy, but it is what I have chosen, and I am embracing it. For once I can write, I can watch the sunset, I can make up silly songs to my husband as I make dinner, I can enjoy each moment. The choice was always there for me; but in order to "choose" I had to give up what I had to. My past life, my job, pulled me in such a far direction away from my true self that I often felt like I was hiding, that the person I wanted to be could not come out and play.

But I am here. NOW. I am ready to play. In fact, I don't believe there is any less way that I should experience my life. I want to play. Now. Forever. Always. This is my life, which I will live OUT LOUD.