I shared with some friends last night that I think I'm additcted to travelling. I looked at my calendar this month and saw that I was not getting on an airplane until September 11th! Wow, so much time at home! Then a few days later I saw on Facebook a fun golf outing towards the end of August that many of my college friends were attending in Minnesota and immediately looked up flights. I don't want to miss out, I thought. But for the first time in my life I paused, took a step back for a moment, and didn't press the purchase button on kayak.com.
"Why do I always need to be travelling?" I asked myself. Tricky question... with many answers. There are so many things I want in my life that travelling actually gets in the way of. I wish I had more time to read, to meditate, to do crafty art projects, to write, to make closer friends. And especially recently, I want to establish a routine yoga class that I can teach each week that doesn't interfere with my job. That's rather difficult if I am going away each weekend. The reasons that I want to travel are many too: I want to keep in touch with my old friends and family; I want to take advantage of my ability to travel now that I don't have kids; I don't want to miss out on life... But as I thought through that last reason I came to realize that travelling is actually causing me to miss out on my life, my life that is happening right now, here in Naples.
For so long I have struggled with Naples becoming my "home." I have found it hard to meet friends and find a community that suits me. So I pack my bag and go on a trip, clinging to my past. Now don't get me wrong, I love my family and friends that don't live in Florida and absolutley cherish the time I do get to spend with them; but realize that my travel addiction is taking away from other things I find sacred in my life, and especially from allowing me to feel at home where I currently live. What am I afraid of? Why can't I just be where I am?
People are addicted to many things in our society: drugs, alcohol, work, cigarettes, food, gambling, exercising, multi-tasking, the list can go on and on... One common theme among addictions is that they cover up true feelings we are experiencing (that maybe don't feel so good) and keep our attention so we don't have to face the feelings. Part of me is afraid of opening up and allowing Naples to be my home (by maintaining friendships and teaching a regular yoga class for example). When I was young my family moved around a lot for my father's job so I think I am afraid of becoming too close to others and to a happy life here because I don't want to deal with the hurt and sadness of leaving a place again that feels like home. Just realizing this was powerful for me.
Think about what your addictions might be. Think about the things you say yes to that you don't really want to do. Ponder what you really want out of your life right now. What is taking up your time and energy that prohibits you from doing the things you find sacred in your life.
I love travel, and will continue to do it; but I am forcing myself to live here in my home, in my life as it currently is. I listed the things I want more of in my life at the beginning of this post and realize that travel is keeping me from doing those things. I have to learn to find a balance and to say no to travelling some times. Where can you say no, so that you can say yes to a happy life?
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