Commitments

I have found myself questioning my commitments lately. Where are my top commitments? To me? To my husband, my family, my career? My goals and dreams? My desire to live life to its fullest? My students? Chances of a lifetime?

An opportunity has come to me to potentially work and live in Singapore for a short time. But I would have to leave my current life, take a risk, and come back to something uncertain. Leaving means my yoga classes may not be here for me when I get back; my employer may question my loyalty and dedication to my job; my family asks, how can you leave your husband for that long?

Through my yoga journey I have learned to connect to a deeper wisdom inside myself. Meditation each day brings me back to this place of ease, simple-ness, and clarity. The more I have trusted this inner wisdom, my gut, or my heart – whatever you’d like to call it – the more guided I feel, and I believe that I am in the right place.

My gut is telling me that if I am offered the freelance gig in Singapore, I should take it. That I can remain true to my commitments and the important things in my life. But lately my head has been getting in the way. I am questioning myself. I feel bad about how I am inconveniencing others or will not able to be here for my husband, my dogs, my home, and my yoga students. I wonder if the people in my life question my commitment to them? I am worried about what they think.

But even as I write this blog the answers are becoming clearer to me. I know where my commitments are and I can stand for them. It doesn’t matter if other people question me as long as I am true to myself. I know that I don’t want to live a life of regrets, and I have to remain true to myself in order to live this way. I have to get out of my own head and other’s heads, and come back inside me. I need to stick with my meditation practice and be guided.

Faith. Trust. Everything happens for a reason. These have been recurring themes in the yoga classes I’ve taught lately – as well as the classes I have taken. Buddha said, “When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.” I need to stay in a state of trust, knowing that things are working out perfectly, as they should, and trusting in myself that I have the answers and am being guided. It’s an ongoing practice, but one with many rewards.