I had the realization this morning as I was meditating that I have brought a lot of the discomfort, pain, stress, and no-fun feelings in my life on myself. I have been beating myself up!
Take my yoga teaching for example. Many students have commented lately that my teaching is radically different than when I started a little over two years ago (and thanks goodness because I have invested a lot of time and money in trainings, feedback, learning, and practice teaching!) But I think one of the main reasons my teaching feels different is because I am no longer judging myself, being critical, and concerned for what others think of me. Rather, I am putting myself out there, being me, and not worrying about if everyone likes me or not. I have turned the focus off of ME and onto MY STUDENTS and what they need. Of course, this is a practice and I am not perfect at it, but I will not beat myself up when I realize I am slipping. Instead I will acknowledge, learn, and move on.
Let's look at my full-time job as a conference producer too. I left the job a few years ago because I wanted to explore teaching yoga full time, and also because I was burnt out. I had put so much pressure on myself to perform. I felt that how my events did and how many goals I reached was a direct reflection of who I was as a human being. I barely asked for help or requested what I needed to make my work smoother, and I was constantly having dialogue with myself about not being good enough. Man, that's a lot of pressure! Yes, my job (which I have come back to recently and am enjoying) is stressful and demanding at times, but I am allowed to have fun and enjoy doing it, and it feels much lighter without the added pressures that I put on myself. I thought that work and play had to be separate, but why should they be? And when I find myself slipping into freak out and pressure mode, I acknowledge it while being kind to myself, laugh at it, and move on, one step at a time.
I am over making things so difficult and committed to adding more play into all areas of my life!
